May 2016

Hi there, Jordan here,

 

I hope everyone had a great autism awareness month. I know I did! I released my previous blog called ‘6 things I wish people understood about me’, as well as educating other school students about autism by running a form time session and holding a class discussion about the impact of autism on society. I also produced some autism awareness badges, which many students across my school have been wearing to show their understanding & awareness for autism.

 

Today I wanted to write about how society impacts me.

 

I find the world a very confusing place. The main thing I cannot understand very well is people. As a teen all I want to do is fit in with people, yet I find this so hard, as I have spent so long isolating myself from others during break times and lunch times. But when I try and socialize with others, people often ignore me, push me away, and make me feel unaccepted. It really isn’t easy to read certain situations, making me find making friends hard.

 

For someone on the spectrum it can be very hard to understand things that are not clear, such as if there is tension between 2 people, or when it is appropriate to make a joke, or perhaps when it is appropriate to start talking about a particular subject, or even when it’s time to just be quiet!

 

When I am in lessons, I often feel insecure and unsafe, as I don’t have any people who I am close with (some lessons more than others). I will sometimes sit alone, or with the teacher as I don’t feel able to mix with the other students. People may think of me as I dislike them, but I really don’t. I would love to become closer to so many people in my year, yet I feel unable to as I worry about what people think of me.

 

Sometimes I feel people will reject me as a person, or see me as not normal, but the more I question if I am normal, I often question what normal is. Is there such a thing as normal and not normal? Is there a criteria to fit being normal? Who is the judge to say if someone is normal or not?

 

People will often judge me, see me as something or someone that I am not. Some people will see me as an attention seeker. Just because I panic, or talk louder than others doesn’t make me an attention seeker at all. Many people on the autism spectrum are not able to detect certain things, such as how they sound. Which is one reason why drama is probably the hardest subject I have chosen. Trying to change character, and loose the monotone, while controlling yourself to be someone who you are creating is not an easy thing for anybody, especially people on the spectrum.

 

But in reality, if I felt comfortable in my environment, and I knew I was accepted by people around me, many people would see a very different side to me. A side that has a sense of humor, a side of me that is laid back, a side of me that loves to socialize and talk (perhaps a little too much!). It’s about finding that comfortable environment to be yourself around others.

 

Thanks for reading my blog, if you haven’t already, make sure you read my previous blogs, not forgetting my most recent one released a couple of weeks ago ‘6 things I wish people understood about me’. I would love it if you shared this blog on your social media, as the more people that read them, the more people that can gain a better understanding of autism.

 

I would also love to hear what others are doing in their local area promoting autism awareness, so please feel free to contact me on the contact page.

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