Socialising - March 2019

Socialising, a vital part of life that we all do in one way or another. But when you’re on the autism spectrum, this can sometimes be another challenge. I am a very sociable person myself, but this doesn’t mean I’m any good at it!

 

Being social allows you to connect with another person, or a group of people. Allowing you to feel secure, included, and more aware things around you. The main difficulty of socialising for many autistic people, including myself, is trying to gain and maintain the connection with another person. 

 

It’s often hard to keep up with peers in conversations, especially when in a group. It can be tricky to find a common interest to start that social interaction, but then you need to balance this right without trying to move on from this in conversation too quickly or by boring them to death. These social rules can be hard to understand and follow at times, and many people who are not on the autism spectrum do not understand these difficulties.  Another social rule that I find tricky is taking turns to talk, and I can often become frustrated if I feel I am not speaking when I should be. I know for a fact many people on the autism spectrum will be able to relate to this. 

 

As well as it being tricky to keep up with conversation, it can also be hard to fit this in with all the other things you do in a day. Remembering all the other challenges people with autism face daily, which is often exhausting – then trying to keep up with your friends and peers on top of this really can be tough.

 

At school I wanted to be a very social person, but I attended a large mainstream secondary with over 200 people in my year group. I found this very overwhelming, and it was a struggle to mix with others. Whenever I tried to socialise with my peers, I found it very challenging to find a connection with them to start the social interaction, meaning I was often left isolated. This then wasn’t helped when teachers say ‘Find a partner’ or ‘Sit wherever you like’ as it would mean you feel like you don’t belong. Once everyone sits down, I always seemed to sit in the only spare seat left in the room. The uncertainty of this was also tricky, as I didn’t feel as secure with my surroundings due to this change. 

 

Breaktimes and lunchtimes were often tricky too, with so many people to see, and so many places to go to I would often be overwhelmed. I usually spent my free time in the inclusion centre, which in a way was a blessing, keeping my anxiety to a minimum – seeing staff and students I knew very well and had known for many years. In other ways this isolated me even more, as I would hide away in a building away from the rest of my year group. I rarely made the effort to venture out, and nobody ever made the effort to venture in. This again makes it even harder to know what interests my peers had, making it near to impossible to make that connection. 

 

Many professionals have used social interventions such as Lego therapy. These can be useful in a sense of learning and understanding social rules, but when used in a secondary environment some may find it slightly patronising, and this can lead to feeling even more isolated from peers.

 

I wonder what other social struggles people with autism often face – and what makes it a struggle?

 

Comments: 2
  • #2

    Jane Gurnett (Saturday, 16 March 2019 00:43)

    So well communicated �

  • #1

    Karen Cross (Tuesday, 12 March 2019 09:42)

    A great and very true insight Jordan ... thank you! X